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MacAdam’s Inventory O A Tourist Trap by Andrew Philip

In 100 Poems, poetry on February 13, 2009 at 8:33 pm

Title: MacAdam’s Inventory O A Tourist Trap
Author: Andrew Philip
Number: 7/100
Allocated Postcode: EH6

MacAdam’s Inventory O A Tourist Trap

Fully pleyable Celtic hairps.
Robert the Bruce’s dunnerin hairt.

Flatpack kists o Stirling Brig
wi clear assembly, written in Pict-

ograms. The Scotochronicon in Ur-Glasgwegian.
Stanes o Destiny, repatriation

in wi the price. Plastic kilts.
Haggis-flavoured chocolate keich.

The Honours o Scotlan, haun picked
for waddings, birthdays and Burns nichts.

(Nou in stock:
de luxe edition wi Walter Scott.)

Colloquial Gaelic in Three Myths.
Genuine sporran, complete wi moths.

John Knox voodoo dolls made wi yer breiks.
A brief, dreich guide tae life in Leith.

Wi purchases ower the price o a dram,
a complementary clearance fae wir factor’s man.

****

Click here for a Scots glossary on Andrew Philip’s website.

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  1. Cynical excellence

  2. I once saw the sign “Fully playable Celtic harp” on, funnily enough, a harp in the window of a gift shop on the Royal Mile. The absurdity of it eventually led to this poem.

  3. […] 4: To Edinburgh by Russell Jones No. 5: Crags by Dave Coates No. 6: Stopping by Stefanie Tan No. 7: MacAdam’s Inventory O A Tourist Trap by Andrew Philip No. 8: And Nothing Worth Remembering by Florian Raith No. 9: The Piteous Pine by Florian Raith No. […]

  4. This would be a good one for the SPL postcards they do every year. Don’t you think?
    Love it, by the way – really spiky and shiny!

  5. LOL whit a bauchle! Fine verse. Dry Scots humour.

  6. […] a pair of student film makers, were keen to work on my contribution to the 100 poems, “MacAdam’s Inventory o a Tourist Trap“. Amy and Ben struck me as being on the right wavelength for the poem and their enthusiasm […]

  7. […] audience member, it’s free! I’ve yet to decide what to read, but it will involve my poem for this collection, obviously, and a few related ones, I think. I’d better make sure I throw in some from The […]

  8. […] You Old Soak (Read This Press) over the course of the evening! The poetry was wrapped up by Andrew Philip, who read from his critically-acclaimed book The Ambulance Box (Salt); Jane McKie, whose film […]

  9. […] You Old Soak (Read This Press) over the course of the evening! The poetry was wrapped up by Andrew Philip, who read from his critically-acclaimed book The Ambulance Box (Salt); Jane McKie, whose film […]

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