Title: MacAdam’s Inventory O A Tourist Trap
Author: Andrew Philip
Number: 7/100
Allocated Postcode: EH6
MacAdam’s Inventory O A Tourist Trap
Fully pleyable Celtic hairps.
Robert the Bruce’s dunnerin hairt.
Flatpack kists o Stirling Brig
wi clear assembly, written in Pict-
ograms. The Scotochronicon in Ur-Glasgwegian.
Stanes o Destiny, repatriation
in wi the price. Plastic kilts.
Haggis-flavoured chocolate keich.
The Honours o Scotlan, haun picked
for waddings, birthdays and Burns nichts.
(Nou in stock:
de luxe edition wi Walter Scott.)
Colloquial Gaelic in Three Myths.
Genuine sporran, complete wi moths.
John Knox voodoo dolls made wi yer breiks.
A brief, dreich guide tae life in Leith.
Wi purchases ower the price o a dram,
a complementary clearance fae wir factor’s man.
Cynical excellence
I once saw the sign “Fully playable Celtic harp” on, funnily enough, a harp in the window of a gift shop on the Royal Mile. The absurdity of it eventually led to this poem.
Thanks, Ned!
[...] 4: To Edinburgh by Russell Jones No. 5: Crags by Dave Coates No. 6: Stopping by Stefanie Tan No. 7: MacAdam’s Inventory O A Tourist Trap by Andrew Philip No. 8: And Nothing Worth Remembering by Florian Raith No. 9: The Piteous Pine by Florian Raith No. [...]
This would be a good one for the SPL postcards they do every year. Don’t you think?
Love it, by the way – really spiky and shiny!